best po boy sandwiches:
Just Loaf'n
3173 Roswell Rd; Buckhead; 678.701.6538
Loaf'n is a New Orleans-during-Mardi-Gras-inspired, purple/gold/green-painted shack of Cajun cuisine for consumption on the small, steel-tabled front patio, plating snacks, dinners, and the aforementioned po boy, which would've closed that endorsement deal with Pillsbury, if only they were a little more ticklish. With the exception of 50-wing platters, all menu items're under $14; get those wings (lemon pepper, BBQ Cajun, HOTTTT!) in a basket w/ fries, slaw & hush "pups", or start with classic Louisiana eats like seafood/andouille sausage gumbo, jambalaya w/ dirty rice, and deep-fried fare like pickles, turkey legs, and gator bites -- well, at least one did last week, and he's probably still crying. Huge po boys're dressed w/ mayo, mambo sauce, and pickles, and served on N.O. Leidenheimer’s French bread; get yours stuffed with choice of seafood (fried shrimp, oyster, catfish, tilapia, soft shell crab, alligator), or go turf with fried turkey, roast beef & gravy, or Patton's Hot Sausage, which was previously only seen in the Director's Cut.
If all you want's a burger, snap up a Black Angus Cajun, or get even fatter with the seafood platter (fried catfish, oysters, shrimp, hush puppies & fries) or a crawfish or shrimp seafood boil -- guaranteed to be more enticing than the one you saw on that chick during Mardi-Gras that made you want to jump from the balcony.
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best archaic-inspired drinks:
Prohibition
At Andrews Square: 56 E. Andrews Dr; Buckhead
All ice is freshly chiseled from a 300lb block to ensure optimal drink temp and consistency in whiskey bevs like the Sazerac (w/ Sazerac Rye whiskey, rye bitters, Herbsaint liqueur rinse), and gin "Prescriptions" like the Pegu Cocktail (London Dry, lime, bitters, orange Curacao), the Corpse Reviver "hangover cure" (fresh lemon juice & absinthe rinse), or the gin/lemon/Creme de Violette "Aviator", a classic recipe from the good old days when pilots were lauded for their drinking. The libation assault continues with tequila/mezcal drinks like the Delores Park Swizzle (agave tequila, Lustau Sherry, Velvet Falernum, ginger syrup), rum sips like the Golden Girl (aged rum, pineapple, Port Sherry), Italian/Eastern Bloc "Remedies" like the Four Oh Four (Van Gogh Blue vodka, St. Germain elderflower, lemon, Aperol), and "Vaccines" like the Absinthe Drip (130 proof; louched at the bar) and the Alabazam, made w/ brandy, lemon, orange and Curacao, pulled from 19th-century cocktail recipe book "The Flowing Bowl", the sequel to "Plunger".
Super-rare cigars come from one of the partner's personal collection and're priced near retail (e.g., Fuente Opus X can run $120 in cigar bars; they've got 'em for $45). Because the joint's just that classy, there're house rules printed in the leather-bound, polished oak covered menus, such as "You are responsible for the behavior of your guests", and "Gents always offer seats to a lady" -- if only Marilyn Chambers knew, before offering her seat to all those men.
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best thai:
Tuk Tuk Thai Food Loft
1745 Peachtree Rd, Ste Y; Buckhead; 404.249.0099
Quietly open at 25th and Peachtree, Tuk Tuk's a spacious Thai street food sanctuary with an open kitchen featuring authentic noodle-cooking street carts, a main dining area smoothly decked with white leather banquettes, a glass-enclosed VIP zone w/ private balcony, and an 80-seat wrap-around patio. Small plates include Hoy Tod (crispy Bangkok pancake w/ mussels, bean sprouts & sweet chili sauce), and Northeastern Thai beef jerky w/ coriander; there're also bigger bites like a whole catfish grilled in a banana leaf w/ chili lime sauce, and noodles like Ba-Mee Moo Dang: egg noodles w/ BBQ pork, yu choy, and crushed peanuts, who just can't get over finding shots of hot nuts on its GF's phone.
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best bbq:
Community Q BBQ
1361 Clairmont Rd; Decatur; 404.633.2080
Eats're sourced from regional farms, and everything but the Brunswick Stew's cooked fresh daily (with leftovers given to food banks); the feasting commences with sammies like sliced beef brisket, pulled pork, chicken (pulled or bone-in), or mild smoked sausage, which you'll just have to settle for, cause they refuse to do straight menthol. Bun-less meat includes ribs of beef or St. Louis-style pork (caramelized w/ BBQ sauce) with sides like collards and rigatoni mac-n-cheese; you can also feed a four-man posse or a one-man you with take-out-only family packs, which come with 1.5lbs of chicken, pork, or beef, two pints of sides, and burger buns -- also the "cute" nickname that got your dad banished to sleeping on the couch.
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best beer (and cocktails) tavern:
The Fred
At Taco Mac Prado: 5600 Roswell Rd; Sandy Springs; 404.941.1503
enclave of exclusive beer, cocktails, and snacks, named after their longtime beverage manager; the only way in is to become a member of Taco's "Brewniversity" beer club, by getting a special card punched to prove you've drank 13 beers, and if you do it in one sitting, it's even more like real college. Once that card's full, go around the back of the Mac and hit a secretive walkway, press the red button near the unmarked door (not the door to the right w/ a "No Deliveries" sign), and the bartender'll buzz you in, after which you'll scan your card on a wall-mounted kiosk inside (curtained off from the main area), where you'll either be given the green light to enter the aforementioned room and imbibe 45 high-ABV beers and cocktails not available upstairs, or be scolded, and ordered to go back up and drink more. 20 taps include Duck Rabbit Schwarz black lager, Spaten Pilsner, and barleywine Victory Old Horizontal, and there's bottles like Belgium's Scaldis Noel Belgian red amber (12% ABV) and Czech's Zatec Pilsner; cocktails come from either their "Classics" (Rogue Rye Sazerac, made w/ Rogue's Dead Guy Rye) or "Signature" menu, which includes the Spruce Cuke (Junipero gin, Thatcher's Organic Cucumber liqueur, tonic), and the Absolut Vanilla, Thatcher's, soda, lime, and fresh dill/chili-flake-rimmed Showtime, which is way more fun to drink once your parents go to bed.
They've also got small bites like an bratwurst & caramelized onion egg roll, and warm ciabatta & Genoa salami w/ Swiss & cherry peppers -- a sandwich whose frequent eating will reward you with little more than your own roll.
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funnest place to drink and eat apps:
Ormsby's
In White Provisions: 170 Howell Mill Rd; West Midtown; 404.968.2033
Starters include baked Apalachicola oysters w/ applewood bacon, hand-dipped corn dogs w/ Sriracha mayo, and house-made pickles (balsamic eggs w/ celery salt, okra w/ sweet onion, sweet/sour watermelon rind); next, move to hoagies like the horseradish sour cream and pickled red onion-topped "Uncle Lenny's Shaved Roast Beef", or get the White Oak grass-fed ground beef, caramelized onion, shrooms & Provolone-topped Bruno burger, which Eminem will pretend he never saw coming, but actually knew all about. Every day has its own dinner feature, like shrimp & grits on Mon, horseradish prime rib on Tues, and veal & mushroom meatballs on Wed; they've also got Guinness-braised bratwurst (w/ kraut & stout mustard, on pretzel roll), chicken & apple sausage w/ Taleggio fondue, or the potato-bunned spiced lamb merguez w/ tzatziki, all part of a category called "Bangers, Links, & Wieners" -- also your diverse high school gang made up of kids who got laid, some who were way too into Zelda, and those whose parents couldn't afford pants. Or underwear.
The carefully selected beer menu includes rare drafts, from North Coast Brother Thelonious, to Schmaltz Albino Python, to Stone Ruination Ale, and they're stocking 40 bottled brews typically not found in ATL, including Boon Geuze, Lefthand Sawtooth, and Corsendonk Brown, the very bathroom activity that caused you to fall out of favor with the masters of a certain robot mouse.
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best carribbean food:
Carisoul Cuisine
2025 Peachtree Rd NE, Ste 2; Peachtree Hills; 404.254.0509
Having completed its move into The Darlington after previously operating as a Lilburn catering service, Carisoul's serving Caribbean eats in its own modest-sized ITP space for 12, featuring thick golden brown curtains, stone-tiled flooring, and a glass trophy case with a happily random homemade magazine photo collage of Obama. Everything's under $10, from quick bites like pastry crusted patties (chicken, beef, veggie), to rice & beans-mated entrees with sides (collards, mac & cheese, fried plantains...) like island-spiced BBQ ribs, curry goat, braised oxtails, and jerk pork, whose entire pen was just fine with it when he went to slaughter.
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the best food and dancing combo:
Inferno Atlanta
393 Marietta St; Downtown; 404.399.4387
The bar delivers staple domestic and imported brews, while offering specials like $5 Long Islands/$4 Sex on the Beach on Thurs; until 1am you can grub on small bites like chicken wraps (Buffalo, Caesar, teriyaki w/ soy ginger dressing), empanadas like the La Plata (ground beef, black olives, onions, raisins), or brick oven pizzas like the Marathon, w/ smoked Provolone, mozzarella, ricotta, Fontina & Parm, and the mozzarella, Ricotta, tomato, Kalamata olive, red onion & sun-dried tomato Olympus -- though abstain to up your odds of Mount'n.
Inferno's currently lining up its DJ staff, and's planning a recurring weekly schedule of theme nights, including college, Latin/Salsa, techno, and hip-hop -- a genre which also describes how Plax walks since the last time he went out to get crazy.
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best italian food:
Teela Italiano
227 Sandy Springs Pl, Ste 502; Sandy Springs; 404.497.9997
tell them you're Hungary, and they'll surely give you the Boot. They exclusively employ imported ingredients like "00" Italian white flour and San Marzano tomatoes to replicate old country flavor in antipastis like the crisp seafood fry (scallops, shrimp & calamari, w/ lemon-pepper mayo & spicy tomato sauce) and mussels steamed in a spicy white wine, lemon & garlic broth; there're also paninis (Caprese, tuna, meatball Parmigiana...) and pizzas, from the Panchetta (w/ shrooms & Parmesan cheese), to the Stagioni, with cherry tomatoes, shrooms, anchovies, artichokes, and kalamata olives -- call it what you want, but just don't try and call a mata anything. Dinners include Fruitte de Mare (seafood medley in spicy tomato sauce) and a fish of the day served w/ roasted Parmeggiano reggiano potatoes; you can also create your own by picking a pasta (tagliatelle, gnocchi, mac & cheese, butternut ravioli...), meat (chicken, meatballs, shrimp, salmon), and sauce like Amatriciana (pancetta w/ pomodoro & fiery pepperoncino), or the cherry tomato, black olives, garlic, and virgin olive oil Rustica, which also comes with a touch of chili, and'll have to do until they get their next shipment of T-Boz. Teela's got 16 bottled brews (Moretti, Peroni, Stella, Brooklyn Lager...), plus a vino list with four Proseccos and 18 reds/whites, including Argentina's Antis Malbec, and Italy's La Bastarda Blend, which four out of five men prefer, cause there's always one guy who just had to have those parents who were married.
check out the full menu here
best mexican:
Cantina Taqueria & Tequila Bar
3280 Peachtree Rd; Buckhead; 404.892.9292
Mexi-gorging commences with starters like lump crab fritters w/ sweet/sour chili sauce, then moves to taco dinners (shrimp, fish, pork, chorizo, brisket, etc), entrees like the tomato pepper-sauced Salmon Veracruz, house specials like the slow-cooked beef/smoky peppers/onion Carne De Res Al Chipotle, and chicken, chorizo, veggie Mexican pizzas, which everyone who's taken Spanish knows are called pizzaos. Boozing's handled by 30 tequilas, including platos (Partida, Corzo...), reposados (Casa Noble, Asombrosa la Rosa...), and anejos like Don Julio 1942, plus they've got great drink deals: Tecate's always $2, Bud Lights're a buck on Wed and the same goes for Dos Equis on Sun; their 14-deep marg menu includes the $5 "Peso Little" (get it?!?), and specialties like the Corzo, made with Thatchers Trace Chiles liqueur, Key Lime & house jalapeno-infused tequila called Tara's Kickin' Rita, named after a bartender who really needs to take it easy on those meter maids.
The only thing over a Jackson's "The Whole 5lb Chihuahua": a gargantuan $25 burrito w/ roasted pork or chipotle chicken. Finish it solo under an hour and it's not only free, but they'll also throw in a t-shirt with an Aztec-style eagle -- also the symbol of America, which you've recently seen the whole of in a shiny new Devastator IV.
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best thai:
E@T 2
225 E Ponce De Leon Ave, Ste 100; Decatur; 404.963.0190
apps range from the lemongrass fish cake w/ cucumber dip, to sweet & sour crispy fried chicken bites, to marinated wonton-wrapped blanket shrimp, which really wishes people would just call it by its normal-person name, Prince Michael Shrimp II. For more resolute consumption, you can toss beef, chicken, shrimp, or all three into spicy basil fried rice, noodle dishes like Pad See Ew (brown-sauced, stir-fried wide rice noodles w/ broccoli, sprouts & egg), or white-rice Thai curries (red, yellow, Masaman, or Panang); they're also dishing specials like Siam Chicken (batter-fried over sweet & sour sauce, w/ cashews & pineapple) and the spicy sautéed filet fish, sea scallops, shrimp & squid Sea Madness -- named for the poorly produced government propaganda flick to discourage people from getting stoned at the beach, once people getting stoned proved inevitable.
After all that's wrapped, 2'll happily fatten you up with fried ice cream, mango sticky rice (w/ fresh mango & w/ sweet coconut milk), or the wonton-wrapped, honey-/ground peanut-topped fried banana, which is exactly what you have to avoid while trying to perk your boy up with some warming rays post-pool.
check out the full menu here
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